Somewhat into January, I started thinking more positively, that this should FINALLY be my year! I have had such a difficult time in years past, especially since returning to Alaska, that I have gotten progressively more discouraged. I’ve also been prone to depression, which just adds to the severity of my discouragement. Or I guess you could say that’s the whole reason behind it. Anyone who struggles with depression truly understands how difficult it can be to see any kind of hope, or light at the end of the tunnel.
2014 wasn’t a half bad year. Although I ended up with yet ANOTHER very difficult employer that I felt trapped by because she paid pretty well, and of course I really needed the money. I ended up getting a lead from my previous dock boss for work at a new cannery, but they didn’t have enough work for me to leave the other job, but they more or less hired me immediately because my boss had put in a good word for me. Awww…makes me feel pretty good. I did a few halibut off loads, and even got to fly up to Anchorage to pick up the crew van and drive it down to the peninsula. It wasn’t long after getting hired that I quit the other job. It was making me MISERABLE!
Eventually, the off loads worked into almost full time labor around the cannery in preparation for the upcoming season. Although I was originally intending to return to the dock as a fish sorter for my old boss, I ended up sliding into housekeeping supervisor. And my oldest daughter worked for me. The previous year she worked with me as well, and we ended up being entertainment. Lol So that job made me more money in the last 3 months (I was there a total of 6) than what most of these other jobs did, or WOULD have, if I’d stuck it out with them long term.
And now I’m in yet ANOTHER miserable job! And I had one before this. Stocking. It was an easy job, but BORING! I don’t know why I had such a hard time just sucking it up, because the benefits of that job was 30 hrs/wk, 2 breaks, a 1/2 hour lunch, and consistent hours and days. Most of which I do NOT get at my current job. In an 8 hr shift, you get two 15 minute breaks. If you’re lucky, you can have them both for one half hour break. I don’t have the same days off, or anything even CLOSE to a consistent schedule! I have met some very cool co-workers, and even a customer or two. But the job itself is wearing on my last nerve. It was never meant to be permanent, but I never imagined how much I would grow to detest it. Yesterday I didn’t feel good because I hadn’t slept well the night before (3 hrs of sleep), and began feeling nauseated, yet the assistant mgr more or less said I couldn’t leave before the end of my shift due to the small staff on hand and the day. And how the hell is that MY problem?! So you’d rather I stand here sick just so that you don’t have one less checker? The crazy ass lady is the only one who was even nice enough to call someone else in. Ended up leaving only a couple of hours early, but sure felt better once I did!
While I suffer at this job, I am just in waiting for the cannery again. Although when I spoke to my boss, naturally I assumed that I would go right back to my previous position since I’d had so many compliments on how well my daughter and I did. Even during the two months that we were sicker than shit (catching and re-catching the cold shit going around), we STILL did better than anyone else had ever done! But he seems to feel like another person may be better suited to it, and that I may be better suited to something ELSE…but he hasn’t yet told me WHAT. I’m not even sure if HE knows yet. And with all the crap going on, he may not even really be thinking much about it. My only hope is that he knows what he’s doing and doesn’t try to put me into some crap ass job that I will either have to suffer through, or pass on and figure something else out.
Going back to the cannery is supposed to be a big financial boost, to help get us off this damn wheel! I am feeling like a hamster going around in circles. No matter how many times I try, I just can’t seem to get off of it. I’ll be right back to finding work after the season again, but this time I can start looking sooner. Last year, I just wasn’t in a hurry.
Last December in my current job, I was called in to work on my day off to fill in for a 4 hour shift in a different dept, and there was a particular customer that came in that day, and happened to come in two days later when I was filling in again. That’s when I told him that I was filling in, and usually in a different dept. A couple of days later, he came to see me. Then he disappeared for a while. Finally showed up a few weeks later. Then I only saw him sporadically. Long story short, we finally connected outside of work, and from what I’ve learned so far, I’m thinking that he might become very significant this year…time will tell.
My 3rd child will graduate HS in May. I’m not sure how I feel about this because I don’t know where her path will take her after, and it’s already kind of weird being short a daughter. When this one was absent for her first semester of her sophomore year, that was strange. But she will be the 3rd one graduating and becoming an adult. And whenever she decides to venture out on her own, I will be left with one child. And the fall will bring the start of HS for my 4th child. I’m not even sure I can visualize what it would be like with only her at home. I had so many kids for so long, that it was what I was used to. Beginning to feel what the empty nest syndrome is like. When my son left, it was more of a blessing. We were still butting heads and it was more peaceful without him because all I did was scream at him for not taking out the trash or doing the dishes, and to stay the hell off his computer.
So these are the major events I expect this year so far. We will see what the year actually brings.